• Straight to Video
• Director: Mark Polonia, John Polonia
• Written by: Mark Polonia, John Polonia
• Running Time: 75 minutes
• Language: English
• MPAA Rating: UNRATED
• Cast: Brian Berry, John Polonia, Mark Polonia, Todd Carpenter, Maria Russo, Dave Fife

"Monster Movie” was released in 2008 and marks the last film for John Polonia, one half of the very prolific Polonia Brothers filmmaking duo (Mark being the other one, if you didn’t already know). John Polonia died on February 25, 2008 and for that reason alone, I wasn’t able to douse the uneasiness I felt as I pressed play on my DVD unit. I simply could not get into that jubilant place I usually find myself in when I sit down to watch a new Polonia Brothers flick. See, I’ve always considered them a throw back to a time when filmmaking was more about having fun, than turning a profit, and for me, watching their films is akin to having a get together with old friends. That’s what it always felt like. Not this time, though. For what it’s worth, “Monster Movie” succeeds as a wonderful parting gift, as it is essentially 75 minutes of John, his brother Mark, and a pair of friends, Todd “T.C.” Carpenter and Brian Berry, going back into the bush for a weekend of fishing, drinking and, well, tangling with gigantic plasticene lizards. What else could a Polonia fan ask for?

As a merging of “The Blair Witch Project” and “Cloverfield”, only on a scant double-digit budget, “Monster Movie” is an overly simplistic, straight-line scamper from point A to point B, complete with intermittent herky-jerky Saurian sightings (some miniature and some digital) and an abundance of good-natured hanky-panky from our four leads. Reminiscent of Fred Roos’ filmmaking protocol, the Polonia Brothers are known for fashioning two films concurrently. Generally the first film is given their central focus, including a fully realized, vigorous script, longer rehearsal periods, a larger cast, better production values and an extended shooting schedule. The second film generally features a much-reduced cast and is typically filmed at a brisker pace, utilizing a looser script of chiefly ‘make-it-up-as-you-go’ dialogue strands. Such is the case here, it seems. As the story goes, in 2007 J.R. Bookwalter of Tempe Video offered to produce and distribute a pair of Polonia Brothers movies, which were merely concepts at the time of the proposal. Creatively exhausted from a year spent producing two films, “Wildcat” and “Splatter Beach”, and re-cutting a third, “Splatter Farm”, the Brothers probably weren’t looking to dive back into shooting, however, as born-filmmakers, the two were unable to resist Bookwalter’s offer. Following the cursory concoction of a couple of scripts (both of which featured an easy-to-shoot monster-in-the-woods theme) and assembling a modest cast, the pair immediately got to work producing “Forest Primeval” and “Monster Movie”.

Having personally screened both films, it’s quite easy to separate the ying from the yang, as it were. “Forest Primeval” is clearly the darling of the duet, with “Monster Movie” coming off as, more or less, the visually insolvent culmination of two very long and very draining years of non-stop movie making. What am I saying? Here’s what I saying; “Monster Movie” is clearly not the movie that the Polonia Brothers intended it to be, a fact begrudgingly admitted to by the pair in the bonus audio commentary. This isn’t to say that it’s bad or anything because it certainly isn’t, it’s just that it’s easy to see that the Polonia’s were cranking this one out as they went along, with a vague notion of a script guiding them, most of which was eventually discarded in favour of the more off-the-cuff improvised exchanges. For me personally, “Monster Movie” represents the Brothers at their most unperturbed, loosening the directorial reins enough (maybe too much, some will probably say) to allow themselves to have fun on-screen and off. Haphazardly paced, and with little by way of actual monsters, the film is not without its faults. Thankfully, it does manage to be fun and playful. That was enough for me.

Cabin Lake, Pennsylvania stands in for Burkittsville, Maryland, as Alan Wyoming (Mark Polonia) and his four life-long friends (John Polonia, Todd Carpenter and Brian Berry) set off on their thirteenth camping trip together. Alan is capturing the trip on the 16mm camera he found at the University where he is employed. Blair Witch meet Cloverfield. With various omens dogging them along the way, the foursome quickly discerns that this trip isn’t turning out as they had anticipated. Happening upon a burning building, Alan is unnerved when a firefighter informs him that the place seems to have been “blown inwards”. Later, they stumble upon some newly butchered horses along the side of the forested highway – sending TC (Carpenter) scuttling off into the nearby field to toss his lunch. If that wasn’t enough, a pit stop at a rest area completely throws them for a loop, as the walls are practically enveloped in missing person’s posters. Up the road a bit further, they chat with a gas station attendant (Ken Van Sant) who divulges some ominous facts about their soon-to-be hideaway, namely that a giant lizard-creature is rumoured to be living in the woods around Cabin Lake, and, well, it’s been devouring people – hence the missing person’s posters. The attendant even whips out what he asserts is a picture of the creature, which sends the group chortling all the way back to their car. It’s clear the Brothers were intent on fashioning suspense on the heavily ridden broom of a certain Blair Witch. Heck, I half expected Van Sant to bust into his own Coffin Rock story. Interestingly, once at the cabin, the strange incidents begin almost instantly, beginning with a large stone seemingly covered in scratch marks and ending with the group coming face to face with the giant creature while on a nature hike. It’s at this point the Brothers flop into their director seats, rev their creative engines and promptly speed up faster than the film itself – arriving somewhere in between an abrupt encounter and a full on "Cloverfield"-like monster invasion. Audiences will be wondering how the film got where it did so fast, but alas, the Brothers are having fun, and they are clearly hoping the audience is too.

As I said, this is the Polonia’s on cruise control (some might call it a subtle artistic melt down), having fun and nudging and winking at the audience. Besting the Brothers in the wink wink nudge nudge department is Brian Berry (2005's "Black Mass"), a guy who has proven time and time again that he can act the pants off nearly anyone who has ever appeared in a Polonia Brothers movie (well, aside from Ken Van Sant and Jon McBride), but here he is just having way way too much fun. In the end, aside from the various other problems, this lack of earnestness ultimately proves the film’s undoing, at least in a dramatic sense, as his and the other’s constant playful frolicking work only to negate whatever sense of urgency and dread the film is pushing for, and ultimately requires to sustain itself. The Brothers enter the film with a brave face and a serious attitude, and truly endeavour to push the plot early on in place of Berry, who is too busy giggling (or playing hat potato) – that is until even they must throw in the towel. Ironically, Todd Carpenter (2004's "Among Us"), a fellow who has always had trouble conveying scripted dialogue, actually does some of his finest work in “Monster Movie”. Maybe because he isn't being asked to recite someone else's words. In a natural setting (out in the woods fishing) he seems to excel.

Taking off my poor-man's Ebert hat for a minute, let me just say that, of the two films “Forest Primeval” and “Monster Movie”, I actually prefer the latter. Ever since the two films arrived in my mailbox some three weeks ago, I've probably watched "Monster Movie" a half dozen times more than "Primeval" -- for one simple reason, it's fun! See, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to hang out with the Brothers; camping, drinking and basically shooting the shit and, well, with this film, I'm almost certain I'm coming pretty dang close to just such an experience.

As I sit writing my final thoughts on this film, I know that I’ll forever be left wondering what other types of crazy monster movies the Brothers would have produced in the coming years. John, I’ll miss you. Thank you for “Monster Movie” and all the other great hours of entertainment you’ve given me over the years.

Included as an extra on the “Monster Movie” DVD is a short piece titled ‘A Tribute to John Polonia’. This is easily my favourite part of the disk. Numerous people including Jon McBride, Dave Fife, Matt Satterly, Joe Barlow, Matt Smith, Brett Piper, Brian Berry, Ken Van Sant, Todd Carpenter, John Oak Dalton, Todd Smith and Mark Polonia share their memories of John, with a few nearly tearing up in the process. This is a nice reminder of what a good man John was and how many people he’s touched over the years. My guess is that John will continue to inspire for years and years to come, as new people will stumble upon the Polonia Brothers catalogue and labour to make their own movies, “like John Polonia did.”