So much time passed, so many reasons given, it seemed like “Return to Sleepaway Camp” would never be released. As far back as a few years ago, I remember seeing on-the-set photos from the “Return to Sleepaway Camp” shoot, on Jeff Hayes and John Klyza’s various “Sleepaway Camp” websites and I remember thinking, “Man, this thing is going to be huge.” I could not believe that the “Sleepaway Camp” sequel that I’ve been waiting for since I was a kid was literally just around the corner. The more I read about the film, the more it enhanced my anticipation. Not only was the original director, Robert Hiltzik, coming back but so were original cast members Felissa Rose, Jonathan Tiersten and Paul DeAngelo – all reprising those roles that made them cult-famous so many years ago. Also showing up for the film were the CKY guys, Vincent “Big Pussy” Pastore and even Isaac “The Chef” Hayes. “Man, this is going to be so fucking huge,” I told myself over and over.

The best thing about it was that Robert Hiltzik was pulling his boat away from the port left where the original docked, completely disregarding the two piece of shit yuck-yuck sequels that came out from Michael A. Simpson in the late 80s. Strangely enough, it was the comedic tone of the Simpson versions that most appealed to smug critics like Leonard Maltin, who heaped mild praise on “Unhappy Campers” while completely disregarding the value of the original. Thankfully, genre lovers and film fans alike would rear their heads and, through sheer force of will, they would place the films in their proper order of worth – fuck the critics. In the years since, “Sleepaway Camp” has garnered a cult following like few horror movies before it; with critically adored auteur Quentin Tarantino once claiming in a radio interview that Hiltzik’s film featured “one of the best damn endings in cinema.” For sure it was and with the advent of this true and natural heir to the original film, my excitement was at an all-time high.

Well, the years passed and I kept checking with varying speculative results. Little help from Jeff Hayes and John Klyza, whose 'latest news' updates devolved into the equivalent of two guys in a room screaming at each other. Then, the rumours began to circulate about how problematic the production was, how the CGI needed to be re-done, how Hiltzik was a con-man who had screwed some crew members out of some money. Then Vincent Pastore went “Sopranos” on his girlfriend and had to seek counselling. Isaac Hayes left us. What the hell? Still, there was no movie but there were more than enough rumours. A leaked copy of the ending landed online sometime in 07, and, for better or worse, I couldn’t bring myself to watch it. I held “Sleepaway Camp” in the highest regard and I wasn’t about to contaminate Hiltzik’s latest vision with Youtube-branded logoed endings rattling around in my noggin. Nope. I couldn’t do it! And I waited. Sigh.

Finally, as the 08 summer came to a close, the clouds broke and the sun shone through and, yeah, “Return to Sleepaway Camp” was released officially. So was it worth all the wait? Could it live up to the hype? Were there actually two killers in the original and not just Angela? Would a fake caterpillar moustache make its way onto the screen again? Ah yes, so many questions to be answered. So, now that I’ve watched it let me just say that this movie was so much of what I wanted – so much of what I expected. It was simply awesome! In fact, after it ended, I just had to go for another round. Hiltzik’s latest offering wasn’t perfect and the ending in no way lived up to the initial ending of the previous instalment but, for a fan desperately needing a “Oh my god, she’s a boy” fix, this latest “Sleepaway Camp” incarnation was like shot gunning a case of Red Bull. The only question I have now is why it took so long to get released. Far better than so much of the drivel out there, this one deserves to be seen and audiences, the cool ones, at least, won’t be disappointed.

When former Camp Arawak counsellor Ronnie (Paul DeAngelo) appears on the screen for the first time, something feels strange. Yeah, he’s still got the 24-inch pythons (give or take an inch or two), and the huge overly developed pectoral muscle thing happening, but he’s aged a bit. Oh yeah, cause twenty freaking years have gone by since we last saw him muttering that now famous line: “My god, she’s a boy.”  When the film picks up, we learn that ole Ronnie is now the head counsellor and part owner of his very own campsite, Camp Manabe (an anagram for Be A Man, you know, like Aunt Martha wanted). Frank (Vincent Pastore) is his co-owner and a sorta friend. In a fashion keeping with his Wise Guy past (at least in the movies), he’s a tad overbearing. In fact Frank is downright mean except when it comes to fawning over his parrot. Similar to the original, there’s a socially awkward kid, Alan (Michael Gibney), getting picked on by some imperious campers. This time around, however, the sympathy doesn’t lie completely with the victimized, as this kid is far from an angel. He’s a bully too, often throwing both his weight and verbal jabs at anyone within earshot. The infectious and most favoured insult being, “Your ass stinks.” Ah yes, I’m sure it does.

As the film progresses, Alan seems to antagonize the other campers just by being in the same room as them, and they return in kind – inflicting an endless pageant of cruelty upon him, culminating with a show-stopper of a scene in the forest where a bunch of kids surround him and rain hundreds of paintballs at him as he crawls around the forest floor in agony. As we soon discover this isn’t sitting well with somebody at the camp, and before long, a number of bizarre and horrifying accidents begin to occur, ending with each of Alan’s victimizers going home early… in a body bag. As the bodies begin to pile up, Ronnie initially suspects that Alan’s only friend at the camp, a cute girl named Petey (Kate Simses), is somehow involved in the recent rash of killings. If you remember, this takes on a curiously similar tone to that of a paranoid Mel in the original film, who felt that Ricky was somehow involved in the murders. Deep in his gut, Ronnie also suspects that Angela is back. The local sheriff (sporting some horrible facial hair and a voice-piece liken to the hunter character in South Park) decides to investigate the matter, seeking out working stiff Ricky (Jonathan Tiereston – yes, the real Ricky, who now sports a blonde dye job) for some answers. He quickly and rather gruffly establishes Angela’s whereabouts, “She been locked in a rubber room for the last twenty years.” Moving into the final stretch, there is a certain heightened intensity to the piece as the kills become more and more frequent and more and more gruesome, building towards some majestic shit-your-pants horror moment – one that has left audiences wondering for twenty years, could Hiltzick ever even outdo himself? Although, the ending here nowhere near touches the powerful shock of the original, this one does have a twinge of awesomeness to it. Clearly this is a revenge scenario playing out, but to whose benefit?

I had a sense going into the film that I might not like what I was about to see. I had a grave feeling that maybe Hiltzick had lost his touch. The editing, mostly early on (not counting the fucking kick ass opening credit sequence), felt slap-dash, and fragmentary and there’s a specific inelegance to the performers and their actions. Thankfully, by the time I reached the beautifully executed paintball sequence in the forest, I knew the master was back. I knew that I was in good hands and I allowed myself to groove to the film from that point on. When the kills took center stage near film's end, I was in Heaven. Granted it’s been awhile since Hiltzick (now a lawyer), has made a film, it’s a little startling when you realize how inventive his kills are. The bunk bed nail kill is a perfect example of a genius a set up. I find it hard to believe that nobody else had ever thought of it especially when it is so surprisingly obvious. One of the kills, the fish-line castration sequence, bothered me so much that I personally could not watch it. This is something that has rarely happened to me (damn you "Cannibal Holocaust"), but alas, this one was just too much. Hiltzick pushed even my envelope with that one.

It’s kind of interesting seeing the way Hiltzick structures the film, allowing for numerous references to the original, namely in a few kills, a few lines of dialogue and even Ronnie’s sudden paranoia. Judging from the bullying sequences, it seems as though Hiltzick also derived some inspiration from films like “The Burning” and “Madman Marz”. There’s even a reference to the Cropsy killer late in the movie. A few of the problems I had with “Return to Sleepaway Camp” was with how so much emphasis was placed on terrorizing the Alan character, when it factors so little into the overall. During one specific scene, we see that the killer simply could not be Alan because Alan is carrying a good fifty more pounds around his waist. However, another scene does lead me to believe that there was more than one killer. Maybe Alan? Ah yes, Hiltzick is back! Also, I definitely could have gone without the cop or some of the attrocious dialogue! The acting is mediocre, but again, it's just great to see all so many faces from the past. Who cares about the few little problems? If you have to go to any camp this summer, Manabe is the place.

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